Character Building Tip Two: Use All the Colors in your Palette

Introduction 

Recently, I was reading about how you prevent one area of your life or one emotion from hogging all your brain space and taking over control of your actions.  We've all had that feeling when you are having a perfectly relaxing and enjoyable day, then out of nowhere you lose control. You don't even notice you lost it until it's too late. If you were lucky enough to catch yourself in the moment, you still might not have been able to stop. See if you recognize these thoughts: "Here I go on acting crazy..." or "Why can't I control what is happening to me?" or "I don't know how that came out of me, I don't know who that person was!" (Busted...awkward...)

Happiness, anger, sadness, embarrassment, honesty, shyness, excitement, worry, regret, kindness- these are all emotions we express. There are hundreds more. The key is figure out two things: how to balance all of your personalities and how to express all of them in a healthy way (without losing control!)

Your Emotions Compared to a Game of Chess

The book Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life suggests you view your life as a game of chess. You are the board itself and the players are all the different parts of you. The board doesn't care what direction the players go or wins or loses, so the board can stay indifferent to all the different movements. I mention this in the extremely rare and slim chance you like chess more than coloring.

My Emotions Compared to a Paint Palette

I like chess, but I like crafts more. This game of chess made sense, but I created an analogy that felt more relatable to me and therefore sticks better in my brain: a palette of colors. Think of a blank, white canvas as your life. Throughout your life, you dab a little bit of one color, and then another, using all of your emotions. You are the canvas, staying unbiased, as all these different colors are being painted.  Your actions are your paint brush picking up a color and using it, then picking up a different color and using that one. Paint brushes use smooth, flowing strokes just like your actions are careful and calm. You can't paint the whole canvas off of one dip into the paint either. You have to wipe off the paint brush, sometimes dip it in water, and dab it into another color.

Why Should You Balance the Right Amount of All Emotions?

So how does this canvas relate to controlling your anger? (By the way, anger will be the color red, of sho.) If anger took all the attention, a huge blot of red would spill all over the canvas; you wouldn't see any of the other colors. Because I want to know what makes me feel angry, I want to use a little bit of red paint, but if the angry gets out of control, there's no room for any of the happy, forgiving, or calm feelings!

Apply This Analogy in Your Own Life

Try to notice all the different colors in your palette throughout the day. Lucky for you, the number of colors in your pallet is endless and continuously growing (New colors!!! WHA!!). For example, in the canvas above, there are 20 colors, but I can add as many more as I want. By the time I am 80, there might be 200, or even 2000!  There's no limit to the amount of colors and there never will be. Even as an adult or a wrinkly grammy, you will still be adding more colors to your palette.

Connect the Steps 

1. Canvas = You being neutral always

2. Paint brush is dabbed into a color = You deciding what emotion, thought, feeling, personality, sensation you are going to use

3. Paint brush is being used on a canvas in gentle, even smooth strokes = Your actions of the emotion you chose to use, always calm, careful and gentle regardless of the color

4. Paint brush is dipped into water, wiped on a towel = You putting your current emotion, thought, feeling, personality, sensation away by taking a step back or moment of quiet to reorganize and regroup

5. Paint brush is being dabbed into a new color = You choose the next emotion, thought, feeling, sensation, personality you are going to use

Conclusion

Both positive and negative qualities are a piece on your chess board, a color in your palette. You aren't going to buy a chess board with only the white pieces, and you aren't going to buy a palette that leaves out browns and blacks. They cannot go away.

Next time you catch yourself getting out of control, think: "This is a color in my palette. I am going to pain with smooth, even strokes by stay calm and gentle in my actions. After I've expressed myself, I'm going to wipe off my paint brush and choose the next color." You are the canvas, so you are staying neutral while these colors are being used. Your actions are the paintbrush, always careful and calm. 

Character Building Tip Two: Your palette can hold all of your colors: emotions, thoughts, feelings, personalities, sensations. Your actions are the paintbrush. Your paintbrush will use one color carefully and calmly, then wipe it off and clean it in water only to choose a new one. You are the canvas. You stay still and peaceful as the artwork is being created, thus you are empowered to properly use all colors in your palette.

Source: Hayes, Steven, and Spencer Smith. "Introduction." Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life: The New Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. New York: Fine Creative Media, 2005. 1-8. Print.